Just to get it out...

When Michael was born we knew there would be ups and downs. I was fine with the therapy and early intervention. The slow to start things were actually good for new parents (learning how to do things later than the norm). Each step has been one to celebrate and we have enjoined every minute. I knew the day would come that I couldn't protect him... I just didn't think it would be so soon... today Michael's teacher told be he is being picked on by a couple of kids at recess. He has been acting out a lot at home and complaining that he didn't want to go to school in the morning, but everyday I have made him go and he seemed to be happy when I picked him up. His friends would say good bye and the aids would tell me he had a good day, but that he was pushing on the playground. I joked that the smallest kid on the playground was the bully and to iniciate play he would push because he likes to wrestle. 3 weeks later I have now learned that my sweet boy was just trying to stand up and defend himself. i don't know what to do. His teacher siad they didn't know that this was really what was happening, they would see him push and the kids tattle, but never saw the cause. The kids have been identified and she promised she would take care of it. It took everything in me not to break down right there with him in my arms. He has wanted me to hold him after school, and I have been, he has been asking for more of my attention than normal and I have tried to give it too him... I didn't understand it all until today, and for that I am sorry... I didn't protect him. While sitting in a meeting 3 and a half ears ago with a group of moms complaining about their kids special needs, one mom turned to me and said "your lucky, you have a diagnosis and can talk to other parents about your kid." I looked her dead in the eye and lashed out every fear I felt today, "Your right, I'm lucky because from the moment my child was born I knew his life would be rough and he would have no clue why. Some day this will all be a memory for yours, but for mine he will have to fight to fit in, beg to be accepted and lost in a crowd that doesn't understand him. He will be teased and ridiculed for being who he is. For you this ends at 3, but this is life for me... I'm lucky." Michael is a blessing to me. I love all of my kids, but you have to know that with Michael it is different. He gives me strength, patience and love. I know this is just the beginning, and like everything else we have been through there will be an end. He is strong and forgives easily. (I don't always like the forgiving side of him.) I'm not looking for sympathy, just to get it out. It helped, I cried, and now my head hurts and I am going to go to bed.